It occurred to me today that I haven't updated this thing at ALL since I lived up in Portland. The last post I made was about a Chip-In account I made. That site is no longer running, so that isn't working. LOL. So this is where I catch you up to date from when I moved from up there, to here....here being Fresno, CA. Things in Portland, Or got really desperate for me. The relationship I was in for 4-5 years, dissolved right before my eyes once a year every year like clock work. Things got to the point that I couldn't allow myself to be that door mat anymore. So I moved out. Yes, I realize I am glossing over some things, but trust me, this isn't a memory I wish to remember. I started talking to another woman and things got pretty serious too damn fast. I really cared for her, and her kids. But It just was NOT smart to go from one relationship and just JUMP into another. She basically needed a live in Nanny and I needed love. That combination just doesn't work. I still care for her to this day, though we don't speak. That is her choice and I respect it. About a month after that, I was going to attempt suicide. This time for good. I had a loaded gun to my head and a song came on, which I'll attach at the end of this. Needless to say, that song kept me alive enough to call my mom and let her know what was going on. I took apart that gun and scattered it around the Rose City. I'm sure the cops have had a hay day trying to figure out what crime it was used for.... Anyway....I moved home and I was there at my parents house for about 8 months, maybe a year. I didn't feel right still, and just about every weekend or every other weekend, I was cutting myself really bad and putting myself back in the hospital for 3-4 days. The longest was 2 weeks. I am proud to say that I now have my own place in Downtown Fresno, I'm in a relationship *that's the picture above* and I am happier then I have EVER been in my life. So let me get to my boyfriend. Yes, I said BOYFRIEND. His name is Anthony, he is sweet, shy, caring, loving....just....he's everything I've been needing and wanting in a partner. The last time I had this, I was 17 and engaged to a guy named Tim. It's been that long. Anthony is a drag queen. With that comes that duality that I think we all have. Some embrace it better then others, some reject it. He is 100% guy and when the shows over, it all comes off. He doesn't want to be a woman, he isn't trying to poke fun at women...when he's on, he's ON! We've been together about 6-7 months now, there was about a 3 week time when we weren't technically together, but you wouldn't have guessed we were broken up by looking at us. We weren't holding hands in public, but the air could be cut with a knife. That was from Dec. 7th - Dec. 31st. New Year's Eve, we went together to "Gay Prom" at the North Tower Circle. He and I tried to dress as close to the same as possible. It was my first prom, I was a smidge nervous. The ball dropped and he kissed me. I asked him if we were official again and he just looked at me and said "DUH!" and kissed me again. That was 12:01 am. Now it's January 18th, 2014 and in a little under a month, I will be stepping down as Mr. Tranz Fresno, CA. Oh I didn't mention that huh? Yeah, Feb. 16th of last year, I entered the Tranz Pageant that was being held by the Imperial Dove Court De Fresno/Madera. I went against 2 other guys who have both been transitioning longer then I have, and yet...I won some how. THAT is for another post. Maybe tomorrow. But for now, I think I got you all caught up. Be well y'all. Be good to yourself, be good to everyone else. I'll catch you on the flip side. This is the song I mentioned earlier that saved my life. I later would do this song in drag, as my way of putting to rest the first half of my life here in my home town. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2WWrupMBAE