General Updates...

I haven't been able to update my blog for a while, I have been busy with jobs...getting hired and fired. With in the last 2 months alone...I have been hired and fired from atleast 5 jobs...one for "training reasons", another I was there one day and then told I didn't "fit" the next day at 8 am at training..another was Kirby, I didn't go through with that on my own will. I have a problem with going into someones home and TELLING them they need a 2500 doller vaccum. Not me. I don't know, it's made me question myself I'll tell you.
But the reactions and support I have gotten from my parents and from my girl have been amazing. I think I am the only person known to man to have a job for 1 day and get fired. NICE. Least I can say I have humor about me.Their lose I say.
So, I have gotten my settlement paperwork all signed, just need to put it in the mail here on monday...go down to the place where I get my food stamps...try to beg for a new card cause mine was stolen...and try to get some food up in this joint. There is some food but it's odds and ends of things, nothing to make a complete meal with or just isn't appitising.
So, even though I have my money coming to me, I have been still searching for work. I did at drug test and backround is coming back from one comapny, swing shift security for a mall and the other is security as well and I just have to get the finger prints done and what not and I should be good with them too, so who ever calls me first and tells me I have a job, Im going to.
Though the money will be there, I need to work. What about when it all run's out, I'd still have to go look for a job..so why not just get one now and keep money coming and going at a steady pace.
Anywho, that's about it with me. Brandie has been forced to stop working due to her back injury as well and her hyperthyroidism doesn't help much.But she want's to work bad so we have been looking for call centers that she can work at maybe in the time being till they start paying her again. They should have been paying her for the last month or so but they haven't and her lawer isn't doing anything about it. I'm all over him. Believe me.

Well, I will end it here. It's 6:30 in the morning and I am tired. I haven't slept yet. I hope this finds you all well and healthy. Mom, Im sorry about Mariane. I know I didn't know her as well as you did, but I have my memories of her and they are fond. T.I., I've always said those were some of my fondest memories, and she helped in that. Back then she was like a second mom to us, so please do know that it did make me cry to hear of her passing. Mariane, where ever you are...you are loved and missed by all that knew you even if it was for a breif moment in time. You left your mark on me...Thank you for the love you gave us while we were kids, and for befriending my mom.

Blessed be all,

Reese Ramirez

Updates and new link to the FTMLounge...

Ok, so most of you know that Brandie hasn't been feeling well and still has been busting her ass off at work. Well These pics were taken of her when Torrid was having a model seach, she wasn't choosen which I think they are blind! But that's me. She did how ever get the job there and loves it. The pics of me, she took.
She has a nack for making me look better then I am I suppose.LOL. But she did really make me look good for not having started T yet, I may look mean...I may still have some girlish looks..but not many..and she caught those not so girly looks just right.
I am waiting to hear back about a job that I am trying to get..If I do get it
the only thing I will have to worry about is getting a bus pass for 2 weeks so I can get to and from work until I get my first pay check. Then after that, pay on things that need to be paid on here at the house, and get bus passes again for me to get to and from work....I'm more then ready for the chance to work. Sheesh.
So, I have my settlement hearing coming up here real soon and I am excited about that so that way I can get the money I need and deserve here soon...it's only taken about 3 years to get it done! LOL. But it'll be a much needed and welcomed gift/break in the mundane and shitty times of our day to day lives. I swear I'll be feeling like I just won the damn lottery. Woohooo..Imma be rich!
I don't really have much to say today..other then I'm tired, gratful for my mother, and optimistic about this new job. Telemarketing..great.

Oh, I have a friend who has just opened up an FTMLounge he calls it, where FTM's and others can meet and either find love, or just friends. I am on there just looking for friends. Period. He has linked my supportsite with his...and I have done the same with mine. I will put the html code in here so others can check it out as well.
Be well and take care of yourselves. Love, Reese

View my page on FTM Lounge

General Updates

Ok, so tomorrow is finals for all of us at Everest. I have my Criminal Justice final at 8 am and it lasts for an hour an half later....So, with only one hour of sleep in the last 2 days and the stress of what is to transpire tomorrow I am gonna have to cram a little. I basicly just have to read over chapters 2-4 and I should be good. We actually should have been up to Chapter 7, but our teacher is cool as all hell and when we all have something to say about something we are talking about or passionate about, he lets us have our talks for a few minutes before we have to go back to the book.
Next term I have Criminal Sociology, Math, and Computer Applications. I have taken Comp Apps 2 times before and the second time I couldn't really deal with it because I was way to bored with the teachers method of teaching and his disrespect in insisting on calling me SHE/HER and the like when everyone and their mother know me and how I am.
I, unfortuantly this next term have that same teacher again. This time he knows not to call me she. I have permissoin from the a few staff memebers there..that everytime I'm called or referred to in a feminine manner then I am to adress him in the same. If he puts up a fuss, then maybe he'll know or understand.
Brandie has Medical Terminology, Accounting and Keyboarding I believe. She is doing so well, and words can't express just how truely proud I am of her and her accomplishments thus far. Her dedication even with her medical problems and being sick for 2 weeks out of the 6 that her term was and still getting pretty much ALL of her work in? Now that's awsome.
I need to make it clear that it's not that I don't care about my work or what I do but I try to make sure that she is taken care of before myself, which is something that we both are working on to better me. She know's just how much I love her and how much I care, and knows that I realize that I have to make that same investment into me. She is proud that I am atleast taking the steps towards making this up coming term better then any I have had prior.

Now here is where I insert something, and here it is. I know just how much I am worth, I know what my value is. I know what I am willing to sacrifice and what I want to gain. I know what steps I need to make my goals a reality and not just dreams. I have expressed to everyone that I love and care for around me that if from now on I seem a little more into my school books then before, it's not because I am trying to ignore anyone at all.

So onto the medical updates:

Brandie's workmans comp company for some idiotic reason has stopped paying for her prescriptions for her back, so her lawer is all over that. Her Endo and the Anti-Coagulation Clinic have spoke to her Hemotoligist and I beleive found a doc to do the biopsy on her thyroid. So in a few weeks here, we are hoping...her thyroid and the two masses will be removed.

My back is still doing good, though I have my bad days. Like the other day it acted up real bad to where Dennis, one of our room mates had to take me to the hospital because my ass was in so much pain and my left leg had to be beat on to make the pain stop. When I got into the hospital, they immediatly put me in a wheel chair, did the vitals and basic work up..and I eneded up with about 4 shots of dilodid and one shot of Toridol.
I also have been offically diagnosed as being Gender Dysphoric so the steps are getting closer and closer towards me being able to finaly start taking T shots. First I have an endo I want to talk to that another guy goes to here in Portland, see if she will be willing to work with me money wise and then find out just how much my body is naturally making an go from there.
My mental issues, the depression...has gotten so much better since switching to Cymbalta and getting these other steps set into motion as well as getting my school life into more order.

So I guess that is about it for now.....If you're some place where it's warm and you're sweating bullets...go sit in a nice walk in freezer at your local fast food joint. It works....

If you are just enjoying good weather and not suffering.....I hate you. LOL.

Blessed be and I hope this finds you all in great spirits. Enjoy your summer and be SAFE!

Reese

Timeless to me!

One more for my babygirl, we maybe seperated hun...but you are forever timless to me. You will never look bad to me, you are always beautiful...even your lounging around. You amaze me every day in every way...I love you.

Reese

Clip from Hairspray with Queen Latifah

From the movie Hairspray, though it speaks more about the struggle that african american went and still go through, I feel it's more like an anthem for all of us that is considered "different". I know where I've been and I pray that tomorrow holds the answers, better, brighter future for all of us.

For those of us that are gay,lesbian,bi-sexual,trans-gender/tans-sexual..it took Stone Wall to occur before we were seen and recognized..atleast partially. Our way was paved by those before us. And I respect those who have fallen before me in our own wars. I hope to make better head way, make it easier for another trans guy or girl...a child to come to their parents without fear...to love with out bounds. To be seen as they are and accepted for who they REALLY are.

Please enjoy.

Losing a partner....

Those of you that do follow my blog,You know that for nearly 3 years my partner Brandie and I have been together. Until last night.
I've done alot of changing since we moved up here and I pushed her away with that, and she wants her space, so I am respecting her wishes and giving her that. She deserves that. She is not at fault in any of this, it is all my own wrong doing. So, I am going to work on me and try to get back to the person she is still in love with. We aren't broken up permenently, but it still feels the same. And when she is done doing what ever she feels that she needs to do, have her freedom, spread her wings...All I can do is work on me and pray that she'll fly back to me. I'd rather it be sooner then later..

So, Brandie if you by some chance read this, know that I will be here with open arms and a warm heart for you when you return. I have always loved you and will continue to. Ever Faithful, Ever loving...Reese

...Till We Aint Strangers Anymore...

And this is for anyone who has ever felt like it's time to just start over, pull back the covers and just reconnect till you aint strangers anymore...

Peace and love to ya.

Reese

Another for my Babygirl...

I swear this to be true baby. I thought it was funny..I've never heard Melissa Etheridge sing this before... Enjoy...I enjoy you just as you are and you make me happy hun. Im lookin forward to the next day, next week, next year I get to be blessed to have with you. I love you in every way, every day.

Ever loving, Ever Faithful,

Daddy

One for my Baby....

This is a video of Melissa Etheridge's that is one of my favs...and anyone who has broken up with someone or has been the one to hear the bad news, we all hope for this song and a happy ending. I believe I finally found mine. And I love her, I charish her with my all...and baby we really have no where to go, so let's just stay in for the night. Watch a movie...you and me...you and me....we got no where to go.

I love you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lW2piohtuno&NR=1

p.s. You have to copy and paste the link, for some reason it doesnt want to show up on my page at this time. Sorry for the hassel.

Lord only knows...

This is just one of the latest Foamy that I found on illwillpress.com. I laughed a hell of alot. If you go to http://www.illwillpress.com you can find alot of different stuff. And be forwarnd, it has some cussing....lol.

Hope this finds you all in good spirits.

Reese

The passing of a pet hurts just the same...(even when it isn't yours)

This is a video that I took a few months back before we moved into the new house that we are in. The cat in the video, her name was Mya. She was my room mates cat and yet for what ever reason we formed some sort of bond. It happens to me all the time with animals. If you ask my mom, she'd say just to look at the cats and dogs at her house.LOL. This is for you Mya, you will forever live in our memories and forever in this video. You are loved.

Shortly after we moved in, about 2 days after I would say....Our room mates boyfriend, Dennis...his father went outside in the morning to go do a job or something and noticed that there was a cat dead next to our mail box. It didn't dawn on any of us that it could have been one of our cats here. At about 1 in the after noon that day, I asked Dennis if he'd seen Mya and he said "not today..." After that, he went outside and double checked, and sure enough it was Mya. I had to go out and see for myself because I didn't want to believe that it was her.

Tonja was told and she went out and made sure it was her as well. I couldn't let her just lay in the gutter of the street, so I brought her off the side of the road. You know, I asked my mom if she ever wishes or prays that Preston or Rusty would come walkin up to the back door as if they had just ran away for a minute...and she told me "Yes, but I know that they both are in a good place now." Then she proceded to tell me what I didn't want to hear, I had to just let her go. So, I am letting go. With every tear that fell that day, and the tears that still fall now and again when I accidently call sweet pea mya..I am no less a man. Just a man with compassion and love.

We love you Mya and where ever you are, your tickle spot will always live on in this video.

So please by all means, watch and laugh as I did the night I recorded it. And thank you ma.

Make sure your dogs and cats are safe, and never know what it's like to not be loved.

Reese

p.s. To this day, almost a week later...we haven't been able to find out just how she got outside. Her and Sweet Pea normally stayed upstairs away from Lilly and Sadie.

Just another update...

Ok, so most of you know that I was in an undergraduate college by the name of Everest College up here in Portland Or getting my Associates Degree in Criminal Justice.
Well, my first day was this past Monday and I can honestly say that I am happy to be back in the thick of it and getting back on my way. My partner Brandie has said that she is proud of me, I told her not to be proud of me yet. Wait to be proud when I graduate.
All of my classes are pretty good, the Intro to Criminal Justice is actually really my fav of all. All of my teachers know that I am transgender and all adress me as Reese, or Mr. Ramirez...that'll take some getting use to but I like it.
And one of the deans is actually trying to see if there is a way to get Reese printed onto the roster insted of my bio name. The only day that anyone has called me that was the first day and after that, I've been treated as a student, but as one of the guys too. It's really cool. I would highly recommend the college to anyone who wants to get a degree or vocational re-training for what ever reason.
I have to go now, the Dean just called me on my cell and wants me to come on up for a min. Im hoping for good news.

Love to ya'all.

Reese

The Gummy Bear Song... -In English too!-

Gummy Bear Song in English



Add to My Profile | More Videos



This is some funny stuff! If you want the code for it mom, let me know. Love to ya'all!

Updates, info, and stuff...

I just thought I'd give ya'all a breif update....

Brandie is doing a hell of a lot better, not 100% but hey...She's alive and I'm sure glad about that. Her docs all agree pretty much that they thyroid has to come out..now it's just a matter of finding out what blood disorder she has and then setting a date, bridging her off of the blood thinners, doing it, then putting her back on them again.
She's still up and running around, chapping my hide about stuff, keeping me in line...showing me that she is my light at the end of my tunnel when my depression hits. And it got bad for a while there, I shut down and didn't talk to anyone, didn't know what to say and finally just had a break down at my doc's office and I have since been feeling a little better. It's only been about 2 weeks, but still. I have been taking my anti-depressants...though I forgot yesterday, took them today though. And I have agreed to see a counselor. So I have to get on that soon.
Also,Her and I have finally decided...with the help of our doctor...that it's time and would be good for my physical and mental health to start testosterone. He said that he thinks it will help alot with my depression, since this is what it mainly steams from. And Brandie and I have already set up the boundries and what not. I have done extensive research on the pro's and con's of the use of T. I always study up on it, read presonal experiances and I run a support site for friends family of trans male's and female's.
I have links on that page, as well as alot of other imformational links. One thing I think every parent should look into is either P-Flag, or read up on what is going on with their child, adult or adolecent. There are alot of books out there, extensive articles online, online support/therapy groups...and even on YouTube you can just put in Transgender in the search engine and it will bring up alot of good things as well as alot of weird things.
With my parents Im blessed. I know that it's hard especially for my mom, and I understand that. I was born as a little girl, but she always knew I was "differnt". And she has been supportive of me through out my whole life. Like I told her, to her and my family I will aways be the daughter, the grand daughter, neice, aunt, what ever. But for me, for my everyday life...Im that guy on the street walkin around with a smile, the husband that loves his wife for all that she is, the friend that people lean on when things are rough. I am Reese. And because my parents gave me my bio name, I would like their help in picking a more approriate middle name for me.
I asked my dad what he would have named me if I was born the way that I feel I am, and he laughed and said my brothers name. I half expected that. And at the same time I considered taking the same middle name they gave him too.
Point is, life is full of up's and down's. Though I haven't always been able to see the end all the way, I am finally able to see a glimpse of what that end could look like. And I like it alot. And part of that end, is my family..as awsome as they are...there with me through it all. I love you mom and dad, grandma-donna, papa and g-ma, Dinee, everyone.
I thank everyone, especially Brandie, for helping me feel love, and alive...everyday. -Big smile-

I will leave you with a clip from YouTube about being trans. I hope it will help.

Reese

p.s. I will update all of you when I find out when I will be getting my blood test done and when I know the date of my first T shot.

It is about 76 minutes long..but please, take the time to watch it and if anyone has any questions, please feel free to ask me or check out my support site... http://www.groups.google.com/group/Transsupport

National Geographic thing from You Tube

National Geographics...just a thought...

Much love,

Reese

Update, and educational video on trans issues...

I just wanted to make a quick post about my wife's condition, on Sunday they released her with out really any reason for her thyroid blowing back up the way that it did, and 3 different docs came in and out of the room for maybe 3 seconds, didn't give their name, and didn't tell us anything that was going on...other than "Your Brandie right? Good, ok I'll be right back." And never did return until we heard that she was being discharged, WITHOUT getting the ultrasound of her thyroid just to make sure everything was ok there.
I threatened to sue if someone didn't talk with us and tell us what the hell was going on and not answering any of our questions. As soon as the word SUE was heard, the doc who said she was going to be discharged, had her do the ultra sound, sat down...but STILL didn't really give any answers...and implied that the real reason why she was in there was because she was on an anti-depressant and couldn't accept her thyroid condition.
Turns out that that doc actually doesn't like Brandie's endocrinologist and doesn't agree with some of his work. That sucks, but that should impeed on patiant care. On top of all of that crap,it took about 7 hours for her to actually get her discharge papers, and meds that they were sending her home with... she got passed up on 2 meals while she was in the hospital...(she was admitted thursday night the 21st of Feb. I brought her in at 5:30pmish and wasn't given her room till almost mid-night) So she got breakfast, lunch she got passed up, got dinner cause I bitched to some one about it...and the next day I think she got passed up for breakfast...it sucked ass.
The fact of the matter is, Brandie is at home...though not totally feeling better, she is how ever in better spirits and her breathing is improving. Thanks to all the grat nurses and nurses aids at Good Samaritan on the Cardiac floor in Portland OR. Keep her in your prays will ya?



Ok, so like I posted on my Trans support site, this is a video that I hope will help educate as well as understand how people who are transgender,transsexual, bi, gay what ever are. Please also understand that this is a comidic view kind of on the issue.

Missing Person in Cali,

Ok before I go much further...this is in regaurds to a missing person back in Cali...and seeing as I have more cali people reading this..please read it...copy paste...what ever...put it out therer so this person can be recovered fast. Human life is never one to be just wasted...so please, lets all do what we can to help....


Missing Person
Robert Spellman
Tip Line 1-877-821-4631


Alias / Nickname: Robert Green or Silver
Date of Birth: October 2, 1977
Date Missing: April 12, 2005
Missing From: Sherman Oaks California (USA)
Age at Time of Disappearance: 27
Gender: Male
Race: White
Height: 5'8
Weight: 165 pounds
Hair Color: Brown
Eye Color: Blue
Complexion: Medium
Identifying Characteristics: Freckle in eye, crooked upper teeth.
Clothing: Possibly wearing gray "Nike Shox" athletic shoes, possibly carrying a blue "Addidas" bag.

Investigative Agency: Los Angeles Police Department
Phone: (213) 485-5381
Investigative Case #: 0510-15049
NCIC #: M-554858400


Robert Spellman was last seen by his family on April 12, 2005 in Sherman Oaks California. Since that time, his family has not seen nor heard from him. They need the public's help to find him. At this time there are few details regarding Robert's disappearance.

If you have any information on the whereabouts of Robert, you are asked to please contact the Los Angeles Police Dept @ (213) 485-5381. You may also contact the family at
1-877-821-4631 or you may email them @ FindRobertSpellman@Yahoo.Com


****PLEASE LOOK AT THE PHOTOS AND VIDEO HERE AND HELP IF YOU CAN. THIS MAN HAS FAMILY AND FRIENDS MISSING HIM. IMAGINE IF IT WAS SOMEONE YOU KNEW. WOULDN'T YOU WANT PEOPLE TO CARE?***

http://www.geocities.com/FindRobertSpellman/

http://www.amw.com/missing_persons/brief.cfm?id=35346

Just an update...

Hello there everyone... I know that I have pretty much fallen off the face of the planet as of late and I apoligize for that. I have been working out ways for us to have all of our bills paid as well as rent and that means we've had to let the cell phones laps for this last month, but they will be back on this coming monday. Awsome!

So, My wife is doing a little better...but since we have not had the phones we have not been able to get her into her docs, so yesterday while at Concentra and both of us geting treated....the girls there know us and love us pretty good and called Legacy Good Samaritan to schedule Brandie atleast one of her docs appoinments that is majorly important. That's the one that prescribes her her PTU's for her thyroid. And she's been out of that for the last week...I wish I could take her pain and suffering away..

As for me...I have just been around not really doing a whole lot of anything other then supporting Brandie and trying to emotionally fix myself...well, what ever I feel needs fixing anyways. I have this whole wall thing going on some times I think as a protective measure and it sucks. It's up sometimes when I don't want or need it to be and I end up coming off as a jack ass or as if I have no emotions what so ever. Nice...

But on a good note, we are still in love with one another and in august it will be 2 years officially that we have been together. (big happy smile) Can't tell you how happy she makes me.Love and peace to ya'all!

Reese