It occurred to me today that I haven't updated this thing at ALL since I lived up in Portland. The last post I made was about a Chip-In account I made. That site is no longer running, so that isn't working. LOL. So this is where I catch you up to date from when I moved from up there, to here....here being Fresno, CA. Things in Portland, Or got really desperate for me. The relationship I was in for 4-5 years, dissolved right before my eyes once a year every year like clock work. Things got to the point that I couldn't allow myself to be that door mat anymore. So I moved out. Yes, I realize I am glossing over some things, but trust me, this isn't a memory I wish to remember. I started talking to another woman and things got pretty serious too damn fast. I really cared for her, and her kids. But It just was NOT smart to go from one relationship and just JUMP into another. She basically needed a live in Nanny and I needed love. That combination just doesn't work. I still care for her to this day, though we don't speak. That is her choice and I respect it. About a month after that, I was going to attempt suicide. This time for good. I had a loaded gun to my head and a song came on, which I'll attach at the end of this. Needless to say, that song kept me alive enough to call my mom and let her know what was going on. I took apart that gun and scattered it around the Rose City. I'm sure the cops have had a hay day trying to figure out what crime it was used for.... Anyway....I moved home and I was there at my parents house for about 8 months, maybe a year. I didn't feel right still, and just about every weekend or every other weekend, I was cutting myself really bad and putting myself back in the hospital for 3-4 days. The longest was 2 weeks. I am proud to say that I now have my own place in Downtown Fresno, I'm in a relationship *that's the picture above* and I am happier then I have EVER been in my life. So let me get to my boyfriend. Yes, I said BOYFRIEND. His name is Anthony, he is sweet, shy, caring, loving....just....he's everything I've been needing and wanting in a partner. The last time I had this, I was 17 and engaged to a guy named Tim. It's been that long. Anthony is a drag queen. With that comes that duality that I think we all have. Some embrace it better then others, some reject it. He is 100% guy and when the shows over, it all comes off. He doesn't want to be a woman, he isn't trying to poke fun at women...when he's on, he's ON! We've been together about 6-7 months now, there was about a 3 week time when we weren't technically together, but you wouldn't have guessed we were broken up by looking at us. We weren't holding hands in public, but the air could be cut with a knife. That was from Dec. 7th - Dec. 31st. New Year's Eve, we went together to "Gay Prom" at the North Tower Circle. He and I tried to dress as close to the same as possible. It was my first prom, I was a smidge nervous. The ball dropped and he kissed me. I asked him if we were official again and he just looked at me and said "DUH!" and kissed me again. That was 12:01 am. Now it's January 18th, 2014 and in a little under a month, I will be stepping down as Mr. Tranz Fresno, CA. Oh I didn't mention that huh? Yeah, Feb. 16th of last year, I entered the Tranz Pageant that was being held by the Imperial Dove Court De Fresno/Madera. I went against 2 other guys who have both been transitioning longer then I have, and yet...I won some how. THAT is for another post. Maybe tomorrow. But for now, I think I got you all caught up. Be well y'all. Be good to yourself, be good to everyone else. I'll catch you on the flip side. This is the song I mentioned earlier that saved my life. I later would do this song in drag, as my way of putting to rest the first half of my life here in my home town. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2WWrupMBAE

Chip-in Account for Top Surgery

This is my Chipin widget for my top surgery. If you can help, please. All donations can and will be accepted. No one knows what the dysphoria of having a female chest does to a transman better then a fellow transman. And I know that I may not have Trans male readers yet....so I consider this a learning tool.
For me, it's getting to the point of now or never. They need to go, For me to feel right in my own skin...as a male...they need to go.
If you have any further questions, feel free to ask. I am an open book and will answer accordingly. Thank you in advance.

Reese

Swagbucks

Something I thought everyone would be interested in taking a look at. I just started for fun and to help out with things till work picks up. Love to ya'all. Happy Hunting.

So, I know I haven't updated this in a long time....I apologize for that. As you can see, I have added some pics of my mom and me, my dad and me..and wow can you tell who I look like the most? LOOK AT THOSE CHEEKS! Hi Dad! So since I last blogged on here, I was working for DePaul Industries and had a perm shift at the safeway next door to my house.
I got sick, they pulled me from that site and wouldn't get back to me about working else where even though I was cleared to go back to work by the dr's. I understand there position with me being sick and all? But if someone's been cleared, I don't understand why I couldn't have my hours back.
So I did what any adult would do, I looked for another job. I put in an application with First Response Inc. on a Tuesday..got called in for an interview on a Wensday, and hired that day. I was in orientation Friday from 8am and was supposed to be there till 5pm. I got an abriviated orientation, so I was out of there at noon and at work that night at 8pm to 8am..needless to say, the first week of work I pulled 93 hours.
Then the next week was 53 hours, thanks giving week 37 hours, 53 this last week and 37 this week. I'm exhausted, I'm not pulling any extra hours this week. My body needs to rest.
I am doing everything that I have always been taught. Don't stop a job without having a back up. I put in my two weeks notice when I found that I had this new job. So I left on good terms. My dad always told me not to take shit from anyone, I'm doing that. He taught me what it means to be a real man, to take care of your family by any means. Even if it ment you have to work extra or over time hours. Thank you dad...thank you mom. You both taught me alot growing up. Thank you dad for tellin me that I will make an awsome man. Like I've said before, I only wish to be half the man you are.

Ok, so this is what I looked like the last time my parents came to see me around the end of June. I haven't done a lot of updates as of late. So I thought I'd update the prior update I just posted.
I have been working for a company called DePaul Industries since April 14th of this year as a security officer and currently I am off of work because I can't breath. I have broncitis (how ever you spell it!) I will be going back to the docs soon to get a check up before friday when I'm supposed to go back to work. I don't think I'll be able to go back yet considering it's still really hard to breath.
I will update this when I get checked out tomorrow. I hope this finds everyone well and in good health. Oh yea, if your wondering what I'm doing for money...I am currently on unemployment till I get cleared. Take care.

Reese

p.s. Mom, shaved my hair all off again...I'm growing it back out again.

Date set up to start my transition finally!

First appointment set for the start of my transition...FINALLY!
Current mood: accomplished

The following was the first two e-mails I received today in regards to the start of my transition, as you can see..I have every reason to be jumping up and down for joy.

Babygirl, if you are reading this THANK YOU! Thank you for standing by me through all of this and for your word of standing by me through this rough start. I love you with my all! Mom, you have always been by my side...I know this is hard for the whole family. But I appriciate the support the whole family has given me. Thank you everyone.


Reese



Great! I have you set up to be seen in our trans clinic on Tuesday, May 4th 2010. Attached is some information regarding your first appointment. Let me know if you have any other questions.



cid:image001.gif@01CA3B6A.4348D820

Jarratt Taylor

Tattoo Removal Program Coordinator/Trans Clinic Liason

Outside In

1132 SW 13th Ave.

Portland, OR 97205


Hey Resse,

I am able to move your appointment up a month. So you are now scheduled for Tuesday, April 6th at 7:30pm. Hopefully this works out for you.



See you then!



Thanks!



cid:image001.gif@01CA3B6A.4348D820

Jarratt Taylor

Tattoo Removal Program Coordinator/Trans Clinic Liason

Outside In

1132 SW 13th Ave.

Portland, OR 97205

Updates and stuffs....

So, I haven't been posting on here for a while now. I have had alot of up's and down's as we all have. But for some reason when MY down's come..they come hard and I become a different person. If you were to ask my mother, she would tell you that it's true. If I don't have a job or am doing something usefull...I end up becoming someone that noone knows much at all really. I end up becoming really....inward and it hurts the ones I love the most. I get stressed and become depressed, which thankfully hasn't been that bad as of late.
I have been recently told that I might have MS, which I need to find a doctor in my area that will help me with finding out for sure one way or the other...and has to be on a sliding scale or no cost at all, seeing as money is tight right now.....
Brandie's mom has moved in with us, which has been a blessing. She is trying to get a hell of alot done for Brandie that I have been trying to do for the last year now in a short amount of time. Which I'm happy to see her smiling again. I am also sorry to have seen her said at my expence.
I don't really have a whole lot to say today..it's kind of one of those days where...things go right, but they don't. But, I'm keeping my head up high and a smile on my face anyways...

I love you all and I hope this finds you all well and happy.